चलते चलते ....

मेरी ख्वाहिश है कि फिर से फरिश्ता हो जाऊं।
माँ से इस तरह लिपट जाऊं कि बच्चा हो जाऊं। 

I too will die someday....

I was sitting in my home when I got a call from Gautam Ji. He is my office senior and a father figure. He wanted me to company him to hospital as some ex-employee was admitted there. Even in serious condition I don’t like to go to hospital but Gautam Ji wants this so I reluctantly said yes.

On our way to hospital, I ask him that to whom we are going to meet. He said Mr. Bannerji. The name clicked an image in my mind. I knew him. He was very jovial old man and was retired just 4 months back in front of me. I asked Gautam Ji that what happened to him. He said “cancer”. His tone was monotonous. Till now I was walking in hospital as if I am walking in some kind of garden. But the mere mention of the illness made my leg heavy. Honestly speaking, like many people I too heard a lot about cancer and peoples successful survival from it but actually I never came across a guy with this illness.

I came out of my thoughts when Gautam Ji stopped to talk to a patient.  Gautam Ji was talking to him something and he wasn’t replying. It took me 15 mins to realize that he is talking to Mr Bannerjee.  I realized that what an illness of cancer’s magnitude can do to a man. He was shaking. He was bald. In place of eyes there were two holes, inside of very deep you can find retina. He wasn’t a man, he was just a structure. He was not able to speak. When Gautam Ji told him about me then he just stare at me…our eyes met for few seconds and those moments were seems like longest moments I have lived. His eyes were blank, expressionless. I realized as if his eyes are saying that today is my turn, you too will die someday. When he was looking in my eyes, I felt very frightened and weak and frustrated and helpless. We locked our eyes for some seconds and for that time I almost felt his pain, his suffering. This was the time it occurred to me that I can also die or I will also die some day.

I get to know that he has cancer from 2 years and he is in his last stage. Gautam Ji said that he has stopped reacting to medicines. He is not taking food or anything. He also said that he will die in 1-2 months. It was amazing to feel that you are looking at somebody who will not remain alive after some time. After some time you will not be able to see him.

I left hospital with a heavy heart. This was most frightening moment of my mind. I was feeling numb.

Yesterday I came to know that he is no more. He is just a memory now. I was looking at his picture of his farewell and realize he is saying to me that you too die someday.