I am 32 year old. I have been to different
places, met different people and I had this belief that when you visit a place
you tend to leave some part of your soul at that place and you tend to pick up
a part of that place with you. I have a long list of well wishers and close
friends. I lived at so many different places and have so different set of
friends that sometimes it seems like different worlds. It seemed like I have
been to many different worlds that are not interconnected. The worlds those are
so different that they didn’t share anything common. People of one world are
completely unaware of people of other world. Sometimes I feel like a spider that
has entangled itself in to all its worlds.
Now the question is if I have such a wide
variety of friends in my life then why many times I felt strangely alone. Why I feel that I didn't have an audience. One
answer of this question is that people of one particular world knew about one
aspect of me and they are completely unaware with all other things and this is
true with all worlds. They look at me from one specific angle and had a
perception from that point of view. There will hardly be anybody who has
complete access to my personality cults.
Now thing is that many times I feel like
having not even one person who knows me completely, who don’t have any prejudice
about me. Somebody who belongs to a different world, not related to any of mine;
somebody who is not even remotely connected to me. Somebody who has time of the
entire world and who can have all ears for me. Somebody who can listen without
asking questions, somebody who can listen without interrupting. Somebody who is
not going to judge me. Somebody who just makes me feel comfortable to speak,
who just make me feel like talking.
I wish to share
my self completely with someone; whatever I have done well, bad, beautiful,
ugly.
Someone who can
just listen without speaking. It’s not that I don’t have people who can hear me
but I want somebody who can listen not hear. There is huge difference between
these two words. Many times we realized after speaking something that people
are hearing but not listening. At such moments you feel like why I speak at
first place. At such moments, you can hear your own voice reflecting back from
empty ears.
So I want somebody who don’t listen my
stories as of a hero or of a villain but just a character. One can argue that
this is escapism from reality. No its not. It’s just export of your grief,
suffering, joy, guilt to somebody and came back as a clean slate in your
present world without guilt, prejudice or anything else.
If you have one such person in your life
then you are lucky because I firmly believe that we all deserve one such
person. If you don’t have one such person then don’t worry, many people didn't
have one. It’s just that slowly all doors to all worlds in your heart will be
closed. You will have to leave past and will have to live like a person without
any memory.
