देखा गया हूँ मैं कभी सोचा गया हूँ मैं
अपनी नज़र में आप तमाशा रहा हूँ मैं
मुझसे मुझे निकाल के पत्थर बना दिया
जब मैं नहीं रहा हूँ तो पूजा गया हूँ मैं
मैं मौसमों के जाल में जकड़ा हुआ दरख़्त
उगने के साथ-साथ बिखरता रहा हूँ मैं
ऊपर के चेहरे-मोहरे से धोखा न खाइए
मेरी तलाश कीजिए, गुम हो गया हूँ मैं
इस नदी की धार में ठंडी हवा आती तो है,
नाव जर्जर ही सही, लहरों से टकराती तो है।
एक चिनगारी कही से ढूँढ लाओ दोस्तों,
इस दिए में तेल से भीगी हुई बाती तो है।
एक खंडहर के हृदय-सी, एक जंगली फूल-सी,
आदमी की पीर गूंगी ही सही, गाती तो है।
एक चादर साँझ ने सारे नगर पर डाल दी,
यह अंधेरे की सड़क उस भोर तक जाती तो है।
निर्वचन मैदान में लेटी हुई है जो नदी,
पत्थरों से, ओट में जा-जाके बतियाती तो है।
दुख नहीं कोई कि अब उपलब्धियों के नाम पर,
और कुछ हो या न हो, आकाश-सी छाती तो है।
कहाँ तो तय था चराग़ाँ हर एक घर के लिये
कहाँ चराग़ मयस्सर नहीं शहर के लिये
यहाँ दरख़्तों के साये में धूप लगती है
चलो यहाँ से चले और उम्र भर के लिये
न हो क़मीज़ तो घुटनों से पेट ढक लेंगे
ये लोग कितने मुनासिब हैं इस सफ़र के लिये
ख़ुदा नहीं न सही आदमी का ख़्वाब सही
कोई हसीन नज़ारा तो है नज़र के लिये
वो मुतमइन हैं कि पत्थर पिघल नहीं सकता
मैं बेक़रार हूँ आवाज़ में असर के लिये
जियें तो अपने बग़ीचे में गुलमोहर के तले
मरें तो ग़ैर की गलियों में गुलमोहर के लिये
My roommate told me that now may is over so please update the calendar. I was going to change month suddenly I feel as if someone is smiling over me yes it was month may. In fact “the month may”.
I started thinking about this month and suddenly felt a severe chill in my body. What a month this was. It gave me some lifelong remembering experience.
I can’t forget the way this month was started. I was coming back from a temple and suddenly in AC bus I feel like suffocated and come out of it though driver wasn’t allowing this before proper stop and I told him that I can’t wait for next stop, then only he allow me to go out. Within seconds, I started vomiting and within next few seconds from a normal healthy person to I have been transformed in to a hardly-able-to stand guy and I collapsed on the bench of a nearby shop. Later on my room-mate took me to a weird doctor who after 1-2 basic questions ask me that I have done sex or not. I am still trying to understand the significance of that question. At that time I was not realizing this journey to dr was start of a chain of events which will drastically affect my thought process.
After 1-2 days I found myself rushing in fortis hospital(as they says follow the standard) for my blood test and other reports. I never realize that I have to expense a lot to know my own body. All this I was suffering normally till the moment dr declared the I am in serious state and I need to get admit. When I share this news with my roommates they react as if I am a low caste-severely affected patient of cancer and I just have 1-2 days in this world. They suggest me to go to home as early a possible and this was the first time I realize that I can even die(I guess this is what is called atmospheric pressure). By considering the severity of situation, I decided to go home and that too by flight. I booked a flight of 4:30 am and reached airport at 4 am to know that flight is cancelled. Then they transfer us to a 7:30 am flight. Unfortunately they boarded me in wrong bus and I ended up in delhi’s flight. When I realize this I rushed back to talk to officials who angrily inform me that I missed(is it the proper word?) the flight and I am only to blame. Later on I got a flight to indore at 12:00PM but for that I have to fight like hell and by the time I was not even able to stand.
Then trip from indore to Bhopal in sumo. Then in auto till Bhopal station. In mid way that auto met an accident and I cannot forget the look in the eyes of auto driver when I told him to not to waste any more time and lets continue our journey despite having a torn jeans and bruised knee(see a desperate man can do disparate things). Once I reached station and met my father I felt relief. Later till one month I have to go from 1 dr to other, from 1 ojha to other for this jaundice. Me and my father were following every single mouth of bina. The worst part of jaundice is all the precautionary food that I have to have for almost a month. Meanwhile I got one last chance to fulfill my dream and get some hope in life, just to discover that it was a nightmare. One important thing which I learn during this period of pain and suffering that only your family will stand for you in your dark hours. I spend a considerable part of my life living for friends, relatives, their friends and their relatives but all seems waste finally. I lost few good friends in this month (not physically but mentally). Though in the later part of may I do feel some relax, met with vinay-vaibhav-nishant unexpectedly, met my team members. All in all, month may was full of unexpected events. It was a total roller costar ride. God again gave me message that he is “only” omnipotent out of us.
Conclusively I must say that may you were maverick and you made me same…..
Almost 2 year ago I read “atlas shrugged” and at the same moment this idea clicked in my mind that if I have to make a world of mine with my people then how it will be structured? What will be the qualities of the peoples that make them suitable to come in that world or I should say in my world. So in this blog I am going to discuss about some such persons in chronological order as I can’t divide them on priority wise who have this capability to come in my world.
(1) Niraj: During my stay in khirkiya from KG-I to 4th , Niraj was consistent topper and I was inconsistent 2nd topper. He was my 1st best friend as far as my memory goes. I know it sound weird to call someone as “1st best friend” but at that time things were like this. After I left khirkiya, we were in touch through letters though content wise all these letters were poor but feeling wise they were rich. Once we got mobile phones , we came in regular touch and it’s a pleasure feeling that even now we are in regular touch.
(2) Banti : banti was another friend in khirkiya but at that time we were just colony-friends. We remain in touch by little bit information’s from here and there about each other. But when after my m tech I came back to bhopal ,it was the quality time I spend with him. I shared a very different kind of friendliness with him(we are not gay mind it!!). I never hesitate to discuss anything with him. The thing I like most about him is fact that if he don’t like something, he will never ever go for it. One of his best quality is that he can laugh on himself. He is the guy who know most of dirty secrets.
Me , niraj and banti knew each other from last 25 years(now don’t guess my age please) and we are still in touch.
(3) Ashok: I met this guy when I was in 11th , and I was the one who motivate him to do engg. (best step in his career till date as he believes ). Till his marriage he was my only friend in Bina (my home town) and though we didn’t talk much these days but when we talk it is quality conversation. Bina is a small town so whenever he has to smoke or drink(sorry ashok!!), then he always took me with him to go away from city. Though academically we were opposite but these things never came between us.
(4) Upendra: My room-mate for almost 3.5 years and always a close friend. The things which I admire about him most is his originality of thoughts. He was a decent person with a decent humor. He was a guy with whom you always like to talk on any topic and you will always get good conversations. I always love to debate with him.
(5) Vikrant: My friend from GEC. From outside, vikrant was a fun loving, prank making person, but from inside he was a good observer, a hard working guy and “usually remain to himself” kind of guy.
(6) Pankaj: Another friend from GEC and my current room-mate in Mumbai. Panku is a blanaced emotional and practical person. We usually discuss a lot on every topic of this world ranging from cricket to avtar’s. I respect him as a person as he really did lot of hard work in his life. Best part about him is that he never complains about problems rather focus more on solution. So he should be another person to book a seat in my world.
(7) Smita: a sis, a friend and a great human being. Decency is integral part of her character. it’s the ease of communication and honesty that binds us together even after these many years.
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(8) Akash : akash or should I say akku da. I do remember all the time I spend with him or his family. A family with full of big hearted and magnanimous people. I do remember 1 incident when I was having some fever. I went to his home and his mom force me to stay there and gave medicine, kadha(a sort of medical tea). On dashera we used to go to his home and his grand father and mother used to give us 5-10 rs as rituals of dashera. Though we are not communicating much these days but I know I am just 1 call away from my friend.
(9) Jayant : a complete all rounder. A great friend and a cool and hard working guy. We have shared lots of good moments together. Though right now we are not aware of each other’s where about but I know whenever we’ll meet, we need not to think about topics to discuss.
(10) Pratiksha : a very close friend till date. Prati is someone who knew me very closely. She knew all my faults and witnessed all kind of my moods and all this make her more close friend. She had seen me different times getting out from all interviews, getting down with injuries, illness and still she always stands for me.
(11) Rashmi- anshul : my friends in Gwalior. Though they both deserve to get separate discussion in this blog but the problem is that we three are almost in-separable , if one of us is discussing the old time you have to mention other two. These two were the only girls I met in my life with class sense of humor. We were such good friends that we used to laugh on anything or on any of us. Even after these many years, all those moments made me smile.
(12) Kaushik- sarika-bhanu-mamta: a group of my close friends in IIITM. Together we all shared lots of sweet, funny and heart breaking moments. We knew very secrets of each other. Kaushik did a lot to improve my self confidence and whatever I am today, some credit goes to him. The good thing about bhanu and mamta was purity of their heart and the fact that they never afraid to cry in front of us if they are feeling like so. Sarika has shared a good understanding with me and I don’t remember that at any instance our thoughts go against each other. Together we have witnessed very tough moments. I know despite distances, she will always be an integral part of me as a friend.
(13) Tushar –ankit: At one time these two were best friends of each other and I was a close one of both. We 3 have our own philosophies and principles and whether we like each other’s way of living life or not ,we always respect each other. Me and tushar have good understanding of each other’s humor and when in good mood, we can laugh on anything of this world include ourselves, god, girls and our past failures . Ankit is a total “no nonsense” person and at times I love to hear him.
(14) Vinay- Nishant- Vaibhav: though I have written enough about all 3 in some of my previous blogs but still they deserve few lines. Vinay is very important person in my life. The good thing about vinay is that I never hesitates to discuss anything with him and he always come up with best possible solution. He taught me how to laugh on yourself. He is a best friend till date. Vaibhav and nishant are also very close to me. The moments and the understanding we shared in Ahmadabad were all precious.
(15) Balraj: a friend of nsn. A hard working guy. He is man with all basic qualities like truth, love for family and commitment to job. He always told me that when you are in trouble just follow the basic principles of life.
(16) Pranav: I met him in Rajkot. My tenure in Rajkot was undoubtedly one of the worst phase of my life but friends like him made it memorable. I never feel that I am an outsider in Rajkot. He is man with golden heart.
(17) Rahul Rathore: basically rathore was my reason to write this blog. I will not say that we are very close friends of each other as we hardly knew each other’s deep secrets ,but if you consider hobbies, interests, likes then we have much things in common. We always like to discuss good movies, books, directors, social problems, art exhibitions(all things which considered as bore in normal society). Whenever one of us finished some good book or good movie we like to share between us. I know right now he is little struggling but I have faith in his capabilities and I know one day he will be a shining star.
(18) Bhaskar sir: my senior in GEC, teacher in GEC and now a mentor. A great motivator and he was the one who motivates me to write. I like his anger for all the wrong goings in society. Principally I love to be like him.
(19) Ramesh sir: a trainer in NSN. A simply awesome guy. Technically he is a solid rock and very much senior guy but when he will talk to you he will always come at your level and you will feel as if you are talking to a good colleague. He will listen even smallest of your problems with full enthusiasm. Someday I will write a full blog on this but as of now just want to conclude in these 3-4 lines.
(20) Atul sharma: Atul was my junior in GEC and he was the person who motivate me to prepare for PSU's. He was the first guy who talk to me about life,destiny sort of things and suggest me to read "alchemist" which changed the way of my thinking. i don't know where are you these days atul,but i know where -ever you are,you must be motivating people.
(21) Richa chhalotre: a friend from last 5 years. though our friendship has seen many up-downs but end of the day we stand together as friends. We have good understanding between us and we always felt kind of relax after talking to each other. It is the ease of communication between us that bind us together.I wish her all the good luck for her coming days.
PS: The list is not in order of priority rather it’s in chronological order. If some day I will make my own world these will be the people and qualities that I love to see in my world.
I have seen many up and downs in my life and witnessed many heart breaking moments but when I got such people in my life then I feel that still got best of the deal.
Thanks life for giving me all such people.
