Wo lamhe(3) .....by vivek

When I was thinking all these things, I found a gal smiling at me…it wasn’t her smile but something else that made me feel strange…it was some softness on my cheeks…so here I was a macho kind man(self proclaimed) ,I was weeping. See the side effect of being emotional. So with these thoughts and my emotions, I reached 2 her home…

Usually I don’t like 2 ask anything 2 god as I feel I am self capable to do anything but 2day in was praying 2 god 2 let her meet me. I just want 30 min alone with her so that i can clear all the things of past, all the misunderstandings, I want some time so that I can give her some happiness, to talk to her.

Just 30 mins, that’s all I want today god. So with all these thoughts i found myself knocking at her gate. Her younger brother came and gave me a high five (thank god I made some friends here)…

I entered in her home with crossed fingers. Found her ma, other brother. Her home was same as I left almost 3 year ago, when I last visited her…

wao what an atmosphere here, I was feeling her smell…her hand maid paintings , her photos in different weird poses hanging on the wall…the novels she reads were in the bookshelf…but where is she??? My eyes were searching for her..

i almost passed 30 mins there observing her home and chatting with her mother. With every passing second, I was getting an unusual feeling….then I left all the hopes and decided to leave. Then his brother said, I will give drop you to station while going to hospital.

Hospital!!!!

Then I came to know that shikha met an accident, and is in hospital. And FUCK I was wasting my time here.

Now I was on my way to go to hospital with her brother and was thinking what I will talk 2 her now. It is after 2-3 yrs that I was gonna face her. What I suppose to do now??? Should I ask for her feelings about me? I dropped the idea and was cursing myself to think selfishly…

I was thinking on which basis, I am asking for her love. I mean My world is entirely different then her world. In last few years I met her just for few minutes. We are not even friends. She is in hospital from last 1 month and now I got the news. I did nothing for her. What is my right to love her.??? Is the meaning of love is to get some one physically??? To love somebody, first you have to be their friend, that’s the basic rule??? And certainly I knew I wasn’t a friend of shikha… and I have a girlfriend anjali…Then why I am thinking all this…God I messed up everything….So wats up now??? What I suppose to do??/ I have decided that this may be my last time, I was meeting her (as I have decided I will not meet her now on.) so will try my best to make this meeting as memorable as possible (Memorable for her or for me that I don’t know).

So with a heavy heart I entered in the hospital.

When I entered in hospital she was sleeping. And after a long time, I was watching her. This is to be said that doesn’t matter how a person looks, one always looks good while sleeping. She was looking as if some mermaid or some fairy is sleeping there. A few bandages on head, few bandages were covering her hands. Scene was enough to make anybody cry. How I was controlling me I can’t describe. Suddenly she opened her eyes.

Shikha: ohho bade log. Now I can see the brighter side of accidents.

Me: ya I came 2 know that you were bored with aunt’s food so shifted here??

Shikha: na actually I just wanted 2 give chance to everybody to meet me or else people didn’t have time now a days.

Me: so how are things here??

Shikha: pretty cool as compare to outside world. Have a crush on an old man lying next to my bed. Though we are not yet talking to each other but still sleeping together (on different beds obviously).

Me: so that’s what you are doing here??

I have also heard that you are doing part time nursing here. All the time roaming here and there, talking to people, taking care of them??.

Shikha: Yes so that I can talk to at most people as possible. But unfortunately I am getting all oldies here not even a young person. Even my visitors are just old people.

(Smiling and pointing at me)

Me: but I don’t think ashish (her brother) is that much old (I changed the strike)…

(Don’t get amuse guys. We always love to “pull each other’s leg” like this)

(Suddenly I look at some thing and started smiling)

Me: ohhk ohhk now I can understand, to whom you were pointing in that “oldies” remark. Mr. Dookie is here (her tortoise).

Shikha: it is cookie. I hate peoples who can’t respect ….

(I interrupted her)

Me: animals….(hehehe)

Shikha: cookie is not animal. He is my best friend. He is with me from last few years.

Me: so u r planning to marry with him???

Shikha: shut up. He is like my brother.

Me: ohhho look at his eyes. He is pleasing 2 let him go. Let him have his own wife and children.

Shikha: wife and children!! Hehehe…

(She was smiling and I was thinking all these jokes are going in right directions)

(When I was playing all these tricks, I found a snake-ladder game in her cabinet)

Me: I was wondering if today you are strong enough to have some defeats then we cam play snake and ladder.

Shikha: I think you forget that in last 5 years you are continuously loosing (0-8 score) from me.

Me: let’s settle all our scores today.

(I know she will never say no to a challenge, even if it is from a pig like me and for a game like snake-ladder.)

I lost first few games. And with every passing game I was shouted mockingly that now I am about to win, I will finish this girl here. And first time in my life, I was praying to god to loose.

After some hours, peoples around me were clapping and cheering as I was about to lost my 7^th game in a row in 1 single day. Shikha was delighted, I was happy but pretending sad. I was cursing god mockingly, Then suddenly happened the unexpected. Though shikha was also smiling with my defeats but suddenly she started laughing….laughing…first slowly then openly….she was looking at me and laughing like maids. She was laughing on her wins or may be the way I was acting. I was thinking that for few seconds that I won.

This is then ashish got a call and went to outside and we were alone in that room. I have decided that this is the moment for which I was waiting from years. .

Me: I am sorry.

Shikha: for what?

Me: for all the pain and suffering, you got because of me, because of our relation.

Shikha: Pain and suffering are part of this game called life. No one gets any pain because of other people; it is your own control over your mind and heart that causes pain. And as far as the relation concerns, no good relation can hurt anybody.

Me: I want to ask you something?

Shikha: (she interrupts me) how is anjali (my girlfriend from last 3 years)??

Me: how do you…..

Sshikha: I came to know that she is very cute and caring girl. You people must be sweet couple. Touchwood (she touches the wood.)

(I was speechless.)

Me: but I want to be with you.

Shikha: don’t make things so complicated for everybody.

Me: we know each other from 10 years.

Shikha: Yes that’s true and I respect the fact that we were first ‘crush’ of each other. And we will always be. But let’s not be selfish.

Me: If I will not get you I will destroy everything.

Shikha: and that will be an insult of me and my relation with you. I knew lots of things about you. You are a big flirt, a drunk but I know you are not bad just angry with yourself, with me, with this world because you never got what you want. I know from last 10-11 years you are trying to meet, me just to make me laugh, to make me feel good, you are helping people and this is your way of compensating your so called “ mistakes done in past” but believe me you did nothing wrong. You need not to feel bad for anything. Be happy. There are many people who admire you, consider you as their ideal. It’s time to think about those people. It’s times to think about family.

Me: If you know everything then why you are behaving this way??

Shikha: Because I don’t want to think selfishly. I don’t wana hurt anjali and diwakar.

Me: diwakar??

Shikha: yes. Diwakar is a friend of mine from 8 years now. He helps me in every odd situation. He never ever asks for anything. He never asks me “what he wants”. I don’t know what is my feeling for you but these people are innocent, They are with us despite knowing all our past. And no good thing should hurt good people.

Me: you love diwakar?

Shikha: don’t know but I respect him a lot and I am happy to have him in my life.

Me: what is relation between us?

Shikha: Is it necessary to give a name to every relation?? Why we human beings are so mean???

Me: hmmm…an unknown relation. Isn’t it??

Shikha: hmmm “un-known” really. Yes in this way we can be free from all copyright troubles also. (She started smiling).

Me: now tell me how to live without you??

Shikha: are!! I am not dying???

(She started grinning.)

(Though I was in serious mood but this comment make me smile.)

Shikha: You have enormous potential that I know. Don’t waste it chasing un-important things. You have to go ahead. Find your destiny. You have to set example for others. You have to achieve so much in life that I feel proud on you and regrets over my decision not to choose you.

Me: shut up. (Idiot)

Me: I will accept all your points, just tell me one thing that in all those 11 years, were there a single moment when you think about me??/

Shikha: don’t ask such questions which have no answers. Does not matter what I will answer it will hurt either me or you. My ‘yes’ or ‘no’ both will make one of us emotionally weak.

Suddenly ashish entered. (What a time to enter!!)

My job was over. I have to go. I have got all my answers today. Till then some more family members were gathered. Suddenly a young, smart (important to mention) guy enters, with a pack of something.

Shikha said to me: hey meet him. He is my best friend (?????) diwakar.

Me: ohh..Yes i had heard about him.

(Just few moments ago shikha told that diwakar is her good friend but when this good friend becomes best friend I don’t know.)

Shikha: And what is in your hand diwakar??

Diwakar opened the gift: it was a hand made sketch of shikha. And it was so beautiful.

Now I understood that its time to go. Game was over.

Me: So shikha now you can’t blame that no smart people are coming to visit you.

(I was pointing to diwakar)

She was grinning.

I said bye to every one, hug to ashish and shake hand with shikha just to take her body odor in my hand. Diwakar was looking at me with some anger in his eyes. I know the meaning of all this. I made her doll cry many times.

I left. Ashish drop me at station and midway he was saying something but I was unable to concentrate. Just saying hmm-ya-hmmm. I was altogether in 1 different world. Whatever was this; a crush, love, attraction was over. Someone rightly says that every relation have an expiry date. The game was over. Diwakar won everything. Shikha with few khushi and few gum, scored 0 and I lost everything. Anyway I was happy that best man got what they deserve and even for few moments I made her smiling. I want to cry with full of my volume. I dialed a number. Somewhere else in the world arvind takes the call. And you know the rest.

Few lines of my favorite song:

Tune jo na kaha, main wo suntan raha…

Khamkhwah bewajah khwab bunta raha..

PS: So this was the end of story. So how was it?? I don’t know whether I should call it love or just crush or just attraction that you will tell me but whatever it was, I put it in front of you.
I know it is difficult to handle different emotions in 1-2-3-4 chapters but it is always tough to describe a 10 year old story in 4-5 chapters. From next blog arvind will take charge and will discuss some final things about characters and will tell you the truth and fictional part of story.