wo lamhe(2).......by vivek

Shikha…..it is impossible to describe her in words. If I have to tell you something about shikha, I can’t tell one specific thing. Shikha was a beautiful girl on every standard. Shikha was a girl having blue eyes, black hairs, good height and decent health. Shikha was actually a pair of 2 eyes having lots of dreams. Shikha was a girl, who loves her family so much that she can leave all her happiness just for the sake of her family. She was a fun loving girl, who always loves to dance and sing.
In rainy seasons, she love to dance on the roof of her home, in winter she love to made tea and pakodas for her papa and in summer she played cricket and snake-ladder (her all time favorite game) with her younger brothers. In any functions (whether it is at her home or at a distant relative’s home) she works as if she has 100 horse powers. All day night taking care of all the guests, food facility for all the people, pack some sweet who ever is going home. Doesn’t matter how early you wake up in the morning, you will always find her doing something and same things holds true for night. Though sometimes you may find her tired physically but mentally, she always wills to do anything. And despite any tensions or retardation, you will always find her cheerful and full of humor.
She always like sunset. One or two time I caught her looking at sunset and found her eyes startling with some shines and for me it was like she is taking energy from the scene. She always loves to play with kids. And when she is playing with kids, you can’t guess her age. In her family there were 6 members i.e. a friendly ma, workaholic papa, 2 younger brothers, always angry kind of elder sister and cookie (her tortoise). Shikha was a “favorite to all” kind of girl. Shikha was a girl who loves everything and everyone around her, a girl who never ever can hate anybody, a girl who has lots of friends but just one enemy i.e. her beautiful face and caring nature which cracks every wall of her beautiful world and damages the icon of purity and simplicity. The problem was that who ever comes in contact to shikha, fall in love with her. She was irresistible. People feel kind of attraction for her.
The first thing which shikha lost was her sister i.e. Sonali. Having average color and self caring attitude she always felt complex with shikha. There were hardly any days where her sister didn’t fight with her, shikha understood this and she hate herself for the “growing distance” with her sister. The biggest thing which she lost was her family’s trust due to a guy named “vivek (aka me)”. I came in her life as a wild card when she just completed 9th class and I was preparing to go in 11th std. We met when she came to a distant relative. We became friends just after few meetings. But just after 10 days I fall in love with her and gave her a letter (I know I was immature that time but I did this just to know her feelings) which her elder sister got and after that shikha has to leave that place. This incident shakes her world. And it became the root of many followed consequences. She lost the trust of her family specially her sister. She never said anything wrong still she has to listen a lot. She never did anything wrong still she had to bear pains. She never took any side still got all the suffering. shikha was a girl who never ask for anything still lost everything,…
God knows only her feelings about me as she never spoke anything about this issue. And that’s makes the things difficult for me.

Wo Lamhe...(1) by vivek

Time: 12:30pm Place: Bhopal station
I just came out of my train. And my next train was at 6:30 pm so I have to pass these 6 hrs time. Though my papa told me to catch 3 pm train which came to Bhopal at 5 pm but somewhere I don’t wana challenge Indian railways. Well so this was the official reason but somewhere I knew that it wasn’t the truth…..somewhere in my mind I knew that I came 2 bhopal because I wanted 2 come here but I just don’t want to accept it.
I love this city. I always like to come here. Somewhere I always find it close 2 my heart. It gives me kind of happiness and the feeling that I am close to “something unknown but important”. I love to breathe the air which contains some special fragrance, some old memories.
Anyways now I have got an uphill task to pass next 6 hrs. I was just thinking about my options; a beer with a childhood friend (wao that will be perfect noon), some juniors (who will always welcome me as this assured them a good lunch), some good friends (girls) who will be ready to meet me anytime but that will cost me at least a movie.
When I was selecting (or rejecting) my options, one more option was going across my mind… I just want to ignore it but somewhere I was unable to keep it away. (now I have to make a decision as early as I can, or this thought will control my actions ).
So I have decided to go to my childhood friend’s home. I called him and told him about my plans. He was happy but just before I was about to put phone down he ask me: “are u really coming??? I mean you are not going to visit her…..”(I keep the phone down).
I have decided to go to my friends place before “anything else” could caught my attention.
My friend lived in piplani. I went outside the station and catch the bus…everything was fine except an unusual feeling….as the bus was approaching on the way to piplani, I was getting nervous….
I know I have to cross “it”...i have to hold my self for 5-10 mins till bus passed it…
Though it will be tough for me but I have to do it. I was thinking about Ashoka Garden area. It is situated on the way from station to piplani. I really afraid of this place as this place was like “Bermuda triangle” for me where I lost my all logics…this place was reason behind a part of my character. This place which witnessed some miserable incidents after which I lost my 1st crush and now from last 11 years trying to rectifying my faults and arranging whatever I disturbed.
This place was one of the reasons, why I like to come to Bhopal. It is the place where she lives. She….shikha….

wo lamhe....

Prologue:
It was almost 5 pm in the evening; I was just checking few mails suddenly ring of my cell phone interrupts me. Being in telecom sector, I am habitual to expect call at any part of time. But it was the caller’s name that made me quite anxious.
It was an old close friend. It wasn’t his call that was surprising but the time of call that made me little thoughtful. Usually he calls me late in nights when either he drunk a lot or had some big issue in mind. Anyways I take the call:
Me: hanji..
Vivek: hey bro..how r u?(he voice was not that cheerful today)
Me: I m fine. Where are you??
Vivek: I m just in bhopal…
Me: for the god’s sake what you r doing there??
Vivek: ummm..nothing as such….
(Suddenly I feel something cracking....ohh my god!! He was crying….)
// for those who believe man never cry, trust me they do cry and cry a lot but usually in front of their male friends only. I know that sound weird but that’s how they structured.
Vivek: ok I got a call..will call u later….(liar liar)
(And the line went down)…
Now I was puzzeled..he was in Bhopal and in worst mood. It all shows that he again meet his 11 yr old crush (which lasts only 15 days but every now and then it made him emotional)
Suddenly last 11 years came as flashback in my memory.
So friends today I am going to introduce you to a different love story i.e. a story of a big flirt and a sweet girl. Vivek the boy in this story was a big flirt. Till the age of 25 he already had 10-12 affairs. People considered him as a pervert who took girls as use and through kind of ‘things’, never serious for anybody, no commitment at all. A man who never give a damn to this world and for the same reason he have more critics then admirers. But somewhere I always like this guy. For me he was always kid like figure i.e. A man of great sense of humour. A man who is always ready to help anybody. I do remember the day when I was placed and we were going for party suddenly a bagger came to ask for some food and vivek gave him a100 rs note just because I was placed and he was happy. (Though the bagger was looking at the note as if it is duplicate)…
so this was my friend vivek. I am going to tell you his love story in fact his first cush which crashed everything in his life. People took him as a flirt but somewhere I know that he always compare all his girls to that crush and when not getting what he was expecting he left them. He never cheated them in the way that he always made them clear that he is not feeling kind of love. So I was impressed with his story that last 11 yrs . but in all those yrs they have just 10-11 meetings each of which last 10-15 mins. No proposal, no rejection, no phones, no sms’s, no secret meetings just feelings, feelings and feelings that too from one side.
Now from here on vivek will tell his own story in next blog….

Yes Boss

“Taarif teri nikli h dil se aayi h lab pe banke qawwali”….my phone was ringing. This was my ringtone…i was sleeping..and the most irritating thing for me is to have a call during sleep..anyway I gathered myself and take a look at my watch it was showing 9:30am..i murmured “ohh god who the hell is at this time”..and I pick up my phone it says “calling boss..and a devil smily was dancing there (this is the only way 4 most of the employee to settle there score against there boss)”anyway by the time I pick the call it was converted into a miss call….and as a frustrated employee I have decided that I will tell others that my boss is a cheap guy who always give me miss call.how cheap….

Anyway I called him and said “hello good morning sir, this is arvind u called me” (I said this in a micro part of second. And don’t think that it is just formality; any word missing and my respected boss will get a chance to start his lecture on dignity, manners and discipline)….

Boss: yes arvind. You haven’t took my call…

Me: yes sir I was bathing.

Boss: yar call to utha liya karo.(so now I should take my phone in to bathroom). Anyway arvind..when are you coming 2 office?/

Me: sir 10:30(dats the official time so when he is expecting me???/)

Boss:ok lets meet then. Today we are going to have a meeting about your cluster allocation. Tell it to everybody (3 of my room mates).

Me:ok sir. ( who am I a peon or smthng??/)Sir (I said in very low voice) I dnt want to go outside Ahmedabad and in particular to Rajkot.

Boss: and why so???

Me: sir, I am new to this state. Rajkot will be tough for me and will be further away from my home. And all of my friends are in surat and ahmeadbad. In fact I will be ok with baroda as it is near to mp.

Boss: don’t worry Arvind!! Since you have told me everything , we will come up with the best possible solution (diplomatic words).

Me: good day sir.

He said nothing and put my phone down.

And I knw since some meeting is there. So it is not going to be a GOOD DAY for me.

AFTER 2 TOUGH HOURS: (a meeting is going in which my cluster head is telling us our locations, my boss is also there)

Cluster head: vinay (room mate 1) you will stay in ahmedabad, vaibhav(room mate 2) youbwill go surat and arvind you will take care of Rajkot circle.

My head was down and I was thinking about the office girls of ahmedabad suddenly my six sense awares me of this bad news…I was surprised and my expressions were as if manmohan proposed soniya Gandhi…and that too in style and I was thinking that how come…I mean really how come..it possibly be true…I was searching for my boss…his head was down and though he was silent, somewhere It occurred to me dat he is smiling….and suddenly I realizes what is the meaning of “devil is sitting in the corner and laughing”.

Anyway after the meeting over I went straight to my boss.

My boss: yes arvind you are looking very happy..(now that is too much of you monster, I was thinking)

Me; sir.i told you..(he interrupts me)

MY boss: arvind this is start of your career. You should not have so home sickness.(home sickness to me????i m living away from home since class 10^th.)

Me: sir but…(he again interuupts me)

My boss: arvind it is fine place..once you reached there, you will be thankful to us..it is famous for mango.( so I should choose the place since mango is cheap there. only this monster can think like this.) I am also coming there.(now it make the matter worse..)

Me: ok…sir!! When I suppose to join there???

My boss: 2day itself….it is 12:30…it takes 3 hr to reach there. So call me from a local STD at around 5 pm. And good luck for your coming days. (I guess I will need that).

Me : sir but…(he again interrupts me)

My boss: arvind I am so busy. I will talk to you in few mins (“get out” in sugar coated language) .

Finally I joined Rajkot with a broken heart. And later I came to know that my “respected boss” canceled his transfer of rajkot. I dnt know whether I was happy or sad. But the reason he gave was that “Rajkot is far from everywhere”….

PS: This is not a kind of regular of my writing as I m not getting any time and the mind set to writing something good. Take this blog as a commercial break.

For all guys: you can use any words suitable to you in place of ’monster’.

For all girls: use strictly ‘monster’ as nothing less then that can justify my feelings.

a loneliness that is not alone...

From many years I was wondering that why a new born child cry so much??

I mean what is the point in crying…..you r coming in a new world..you are getting a new shape…there are lots of celebrations….you should be smiling….and really many time I got irritated of this…but when I reached to Rajkot…I got a full chance to understand what is wrong with an infant.…I am in Rajkot from last 1 week…and this week was like hell..I dnt know anybody in Rajkot…don’t know means really don’t know any damn body…..except 2 people…both were my colleague in Ahmadabad but in different deptt. When I was in Ahmadabad I have a hi-bi relation with both of them (all in all 4 times hi and bi in 2 months to both)….so these are my closest here…

Anyway I was getting the feeling dat how it feels when you are in a different state..much away from your parents and friends,,,you are at a place when no body understands your language…they dnt know what you want to speak, neither they care….when they are responding you, you dnt knw what they are saying…everything looks stranger to you…you are using your eyes and hands to make you understand more then your vocals…you dnt know what people are talking around you…you dnt know how to express yourself in their language..i was feeling like crying with highest peak of my vocal chords…and now I got it why a new born infant cry so much….

I am all alone….believe me guys when you have some work or a good company of friends then you will never realize how quickly time passes…but when you are alone and dnt have much to do then you can sense even a tick of second of your clock….

This loneliness has its huge losses on your thinking really…it started chewing you...your thinking will be tends to negative…you will feel that everybody is busy, except you….no one bothers to know how are you…no one has the time to ask what you are doing..you are in the list of no one’s priority…no one cares whether you are dead or alive….really and suddenly in a moments you will justify everything…like suicide too…

That was my mental condition in 1^st week in rajkot…I was kind of fighting with my self…I believe that everybody has a good part and a devil part…and any one of them will rule your mind depending on whom you are giving more energy..and suddenly my mind becomes the devil’s workshop..

But after this I think a lot and decided to use this loneliness in my favor…I have decided to make my self sufficient busy…so that I can get rid of this negativity….i have decided to give this time to myself…to my hobbies..to develop new skills…to know people…to make myself happy…to make others happy…to know where actually I am going….to find what is my destiny…

I know the present time is toughest time in my life and it will be for 1 full year…as I am starting everything from scratch…just after 3 months theoretical training I have joined on field….zero practical knowledge as such..new city..new people….regionalism…office politics…bad boss…away from almost every one you know…know one like you..you are the unwanted party…and everyone looks you as an intruder..

But I have decided I will not surrender….i will fight….i will fight till the end of night….

I always believe that every city has certain symbols, certain codes (I know I am sounding like dan brown).. and to be comfortable with a city or a culture you have to put your breathe in synchronization to that of cities….you have to understand its codes..you have to give respect to its values,its peoples…you have to leave all your prejudices…then only you will feel comfortable….then only you can make it like home…

So if I can be able to survive in these conditions then it will be biggest confidence booster forever….

love ..life ..and me...

I was thinking from so many days, months and years about love…sometimes conclude that it is so unimportant topic that I should not think over it but sometimes feel that this one thing is every where ..it lies in everything and one who unveils its true meaning, will got the key to make this world beautiful ….

Unarguably there are different ways to love a person but here I want to focus one particular form which is most famous and talked about.

I am not talking about mother’s love not father’s love. It is the love of a lover that I want to discuss…

There will not be any answer if I ask why someone falls in love…now let me figure out some of the possible reasons (n ya I am writing on behalf of guys..): I like her because she is very beautiful…because she is only girl around me…because we are with each other from past few time…she helped me a lot during something….we are chat friend from sometime now…n blaw blaw blaw…but I am afraid that love is so a big word to put in any small limit….

It is very difficult to differentiate true love from attraction, infatuation, crush etc…as far as I think true love is something that if happens in life..changes the way of life…it gives a meaning to life ..give new reasons to live….it makes life beautiful…it has power to transform one’s life…it gives a positive attitude for the life…a new way to look at the world and people…it brings the best of you outside….

Though people believe that if someone is trying to change you then it is not love but I feel true love is one where one person want to change other to make him focus on his path of destination…to change him for his better..to give him small pain so that he/she can get big happiness…but it is really difficult to recognize love…many time it happens that after losing some one we realize their value in our life….

People believe that if you love someone then you should tell them as early as possible about your feelings…but I m nt at all agree over this, what I feel is that if we love some one then first we need to know what role we can play in his/her life. ..and in what way our feelings affect that person….if that person is happy with the way things are going in his/her life and we feel that by telling somebody about your feeling may make things difficult then is there any need to tell them….???

Love is when you fit yourself in somebody’s life that whenever he/she looks at you they feel secure…true love is to give care without expecting anything in return….if you are expecting something then it is no longer love…..n it will hurt badly….love is not to love some one and expect something from them or committed to spend whole life with some one…contrary to a common belief I don’t think it is compulsory to convert a relation into marriage…..really…if I know well in advance that I am going to marrying someone then I will care her for obvious reasons….the risk should be their….rather if I feel I am the one who can give her more happiness without hurting even a single person related to her then only it will justify its value…no love can ever hurt anybody…I mean how it can be????

To care some one without telling them about your feelings, to fit in their life to make them complete without expecting a company for whole life…to bear the pain and give the best is the beauty of love and life….

For me the love is to make them laugh till it hurts, to tease them, to make them forget all problems, tensions. To hold them when they feel low, to clap even at small achievements, to make them feel special…that’s my definition of love….

I don’t know why people behave so strangely when they came to know about somebody’s feelings for them…I think it is always a special feeling that somebody loves you, think about you and for at least one that person you are most important thing in life… one should welcome such feelings and always respect those persons in life because it is always difficult to find a heart which have feelings for you besides it is encouraging to know that you have something which someone is liking….

In my life I meet many people and many time I feel I was in love but sooner or later I got it that sometimes it was attraction or I was impressed or many things….now spending a considerable part of life, when I look back I found that all the time I got very good friends…but never find anybody who can understand me fully….though some friends were really worth of life but they came for very sort period of 1-2 year….and I wait a lot for somebody to come and love me without reasons….but then I feel that, to love somebody or to worthy of somebody’s love you need to love yourself….that is first and foremost imp task…..now I started loving me…I m loving things around me…I m giving time to myself….and then I realize that I got a true and final love of my life….yppn that’s ME……now I m in love with myself…..

me....

My first week is over in job and in ahmedabad….and I still don’t know the kind of work I have to do. I have decided in myself that I will give my 100% to whatever comes my way. I am assuming that I don’t know anything and I need to learn a lot so I am asking basic questions and trying to be happy in whatever people are giving to me. But somewhere I am not happy…I am not satisfied…I don’t know whether I m not happy coz I am not satisfied or not satisfied coz I am not happy…
Every day I am waking up with new hope, going to office with more enthusiasm but every night when I am going to sleep I am unable to justify myself why I did the whole day…
I am going to office but there is no one to even notice it…no one is there to notice what I am doing. Some one is saying do this or that…but nothing seems meaningful…I am doing my best to utilize my time as I know there are lots of things to work on…
Even in myself…I need to improve a lot but I am unable to get the peace of mind…
I know its time to gather all the pieces of jigsaw puzzle of my life and to go on…
I know I have just started a journey and lot more to see, to come and I have to prepare myself accordingly. I know it is the crunch time of life..2-3 years down the line can make or break my carrier. It is the time when I have to justify who I am, what actually I want and to go on…
I am neither tired nor afraid just confuse….little confuse…but
Best part of this confusion is that first time in my life I am thinking about the things that are important, that matters…
I just need some power some courage so that first I can choose the right path and then precede on that path….and to fulfill what people are expecting from me…